Trigger Happy

Back in the day, I loved looking at slides — those tiny squares with white paper edges that held the negative of a photograph that you then loaded into a carousel, and a projector magically threw the true image onto a movie screen, white sheet, or blank wall. But before then, while looking at those slides, each image was a warped representation of the world I knew, and I loved it.In a negative, my brown hair was white, the same with my eyes. In negatives, a snowy landscape with a trail cut between snow-laced trees morphed into blackened volcanic ground, trails turned into scars, and tar-covered ashy trees. What can I say? I was a weird little kid.I didn’t prefer the negative over the positive — both the positive and the negative offer their own kind of magic. It was that I enjoyed a different perspective. Suddenly, I had a new way of looking at the same old.As someone with Depression and Anxiety, I’ve spent a lifetime learning and understanding triggers — lack of physical exercise, too many days without sunlight, or one whiff of mothballs in an antique shop and click! — depression raises its ugly head. Likewise, too many people crammed into one place or too much place without any people, and Bam! Adrenaline kicks up my anxiety. See? Triggers — those sudden situations that blindside you and revert you into feeling the worst experiences of your life. For me, it’s too much or too little of anything, and I get all triggered up.

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