Learn to unlove

How ironic, when people teach me how to love, I actually find myself in many situations where I have to learn how not to love things, places, and people in all kinds of ways. None of them taught me how to unlove. Unlove the things we hold close, unlove the things we treasure too much, unlove the things we think are ours, and unlove the things we think we can’t live without. The ‘sense of loss’ when I felt ‘already mine’ was the hardest thing for me. The fact that I only ‘forgot’ instead of ‘let go’ was also one of the piles of sadness that I was still reluctant to admit as a futility. Then in silence, I went back to pretending that everything was normal, not finished, nor getting clarity. But that’s life, most of the time it just takes time to really realize and learn.I spent a lot of difficult times alone, trying to fix things that sometimes didn’t get better but maybe got worse. Wondering what went wrong, then staying up all night just because of one or two words that came out of a stranger’s mouth. I try to be loved easily, when in reality I also hate myself very easily.Then later, I met a time when I was warned from the start that I was just ‘a replacer’ and given the choice to stay or leave.

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