I was devastated, until…

I have dealt with depression for around 4–5 years . It all started when I was in 7th class. My brother tried attempting suicide and I was very young to be witnessing all the things going around in family. Those 4–5 years were extremely traumatic . Parents fighting, crying, brother taking drugs, I did not have any social life, since there was not much awareness of mental health those days, my so called friends stopped talking to me thinking there is something wrong with me and I don’t fit in this society. I was also constantly bullied in school for my weight issue. I still remember one incident very clearly when I was kicked out of a dance group not because I was not dancing well but because “I was physically not looking good” 

My mother used to go to school , she is a teacher, and my coping mechanism was food. Lots and lots of food. I used to order the amount of food that isn’t ‘NORMAL’ and just eat until I felt sick. Instead of dealing with the things going around, food was my comfort place.When the lockdown happened, it gave me some time to reflect upon the life I have been living. I have had such big expectations, dreams when I was a kid, I didn’t even realise when it all shattered and the only motive of my life was survival… But NOBODY WOULD BE ABLE TO HELP ME IF I DONT HELP MYSELF . I know, such a cliche line, but this is a FACT. I had to get myself out of this dark place .

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