Autumn Blues and Befriending My Inner Bear
It’s mid September and already I’m feeling the sudden reduction in light and warmth. I’m one of the unfortunate 5% of people who suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and for me it’s the early onset variety. In a few weeks I’ll feel ambushed by the clocks turning back an hour. I can feel my body resisting the change — unhappy to be forced into a pattern that feels alien. SAD is not fun. It took me decades to understand why I felt so awful in autumn and winter. Why I was an exhausted, mentally unstable, carb craving wraith of myself? Turns out that all along, the reason was the season. SAD is a form of depression which happens mostly during the winter months when we are exposed to less daylight, and symptoms are very similar to other types of depression. I liken myself to a hibernating bear — try and wake me and I’ll probably roll over and squash you under the weight of my misery and lethargy. Extra weight, mind you, from all the extra carbs I’ve been consuming.Over the years, I’ve tried just about everything possible to help me get through the darker months. Some things have been really beneficial such as walking outdoors, bright light therapy, and various supplements — such as rhodiola and vitamin D. Then, there are those times when other life events and stressors add their weight to my seasonal slump and I know that I need to use medication. I used to feel shame about this, but at these times, I just take the pills for a few months, feel better and wonder what all the resistance was about? Taking an SSRI when needed doesn’t make any of us lesser human beings. If our brains are not making and utilising enough of the right neurotransmitters, then medication can make a world of difference. For some of us — myself included — it can be a literal life saver. I’ve been dangerously suicidal at more than one point in my life, and I know I have a responsibility to myself and those who love me, to stay away from the edge of the abyss.
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