Are The Meds Worth It?
That someone was my oncologist. After coming out of my “conscious coma” as I like to call it, my team quickly put me on anxiety medication.Previously, I never wanted to rely on medication or have anything numb my feelings, but I quickly realized how useful these types of medications can be.Processing any level of adversity, trauma, grief, or mental health issue is hard enough alone.But as you can imagine after the horrendous diagnosis of my leukemia, MSSA, being bedridden for almost two weeks, and almost losing my life I think some mental health management was in order.I took this medication for the better part of four years and then slowly weaned off of it. It was actually immensely helpful in helping me process my emotions, health, and what I was facing day in and day out.The reason I am writing this today is to get pretty vulnerable with you all. I recently had a conversation with a dear friend of mine on how deeply I feel my emotions. How deeply I feel, well everything. And there is a certain level of beauty to that. He mentioned that it is something to be embraced, feeling and thinking as deeply as I do. And I agree, though it is a double-edged sword and I get frustrated when it begins to interrupt my daily life.Over the four years that I took the medication, I did get to a point where I became numb to experiences. I was unable to experience joy or sadness. I operated on this incredibly logical level which came with some pros around focus and discipline, but had cons too of not being fully emotionally available to my family, friends, and partner at the time.
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